truth be told, i have no idea what happened… but i just wanted to let you know that you are missed and i wish you the best in your spiritual journey. dan & i enjoyed working with you, you are a loved brother to us! i’m sorry that you felt the need for perfection, its just not possible though as humans we really try to be… interestingly enough we’ve been going through galatians this semester in church and it has been exactly that as the message, grace saves us and there is just nothing we can add to grace. hope to see you around, so until we meet again… your sis

Thank you so much for your response! Its weird because I have noticed that I tend to bounce back and forth from feeling like my experience was mostly my fault and then feeling like I was abused. It really is healing to know that other people had a similar experience to you.

And I think you and the other folks at decomissioned have very valuable things to say. I feel like to just always dismiss you guys as slanderers and liars is really just wrong. I know that in my brief experience with the decommissioned folks (mostly back when you guys had the wordpress page) it was mostly an encouraging experience, and most definitely an authentic one. Anyways, thanks for the comment, I hope things are going well for you and the rest of the folks at decomissioned.

We (decomm) were called liars not “being used by Satan” (that was from a different blog). the “liars” accusation doesn’t feel any better.

I can’t say I know you, but I can easily identify with your predicament. You feel torn between saying what you really think ( hurt, confused and disgusted) while trying not to offend your friends who are still in the church. So you apologize by saying you are as much to blame for previous wrongs as anyone else. TJ, you don’t have anything to apologize for.

Certainly we are all human, we all hurt one another, and we all need to ask for forgiveness. However, the problems you are talking about are external. Yes you were there , but you were there in good faith, doing what you were told, trying to make the best of things. Sure you could have left, but as you know right now that is never easy. Remember that the ultimate problem originated in the place you were in. You were the victim, not the problem. Why should you blame yourself for an unhealthy situation that was completely out of your control?

I say all this because I went through similar feelings when I left my GCM church. I felt guilty about “betraying” my brothers and sisters and looked for any manner in which I could shoulder the blame for an all around messed up situation. I also said just like you that, “it wasn’t a good fit for me.” This of course made me feel worse, like some kind of spiritual freak who really had no place in Christian society. However, what I eventually discovered was just the opposite, which brings me to my next point…it’s not a good fit for a lot of people.

This church prides itself on being extreme, and while some individuals seem to thrive in this situation, the rest of us suffer mental breakdowns. You are not alone in “not fitting in” with this group. Myself and other contributers to decommissioned forum all have similar stories to yours and have gone through a lot of the anguish you have experienced. It’s hard to process but through the grace of God and a little blogging we can begin to figure out where things have gone wrong.

Also in defense of decommissioned. Someone in an earlier comment said that we are being used by Satan. Although it made me laugh I also found it sad that this church has such an attitude to people who have been spiritually abused…or more specifically those who IT has spiritually abused. I completely understand defending your church your family, and yourself, however this attitude is simply WRONG. It isn’t defending what you believe; it is jabbing people in wounds that still hurt.

Anyway, don’t be so hard on yourself. I’m glad to hear things are going well for you. Keep it up and stay positive.

Peace,
Gene